My Father

Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown

My older brother and I were talking about Dad one day...reflecting on some of our happy memories. He asked me if I remembered Dad asking to hold my hand as we'd sit and watch cartoons. Sadly, I didn't share this memory. I guess I was pretty young. Once Fred told me, however, I could easily picture it happening. Losing memories of him scare me. So, in light of it being Fathers Day today I thought I'd write down some memories:

• I had a huge crush on Rob Lowe back in the 80's. St Elmo's Fire was very hyped up, and I was super excited to see it - and I wasn't willing to wait for it to come out on video. Problem was, it was Restricted. I can't remember if I begged him to take me, or if he offered to go, but the two of us had a date to go see it together at the theatre. I was 13. I remember the scene when Rob went up Mare Winningham's skirt and happened upon her spanks....snapping the material up as he commented, "What's this? Your scuba suit?" - I laughed and laughed, and then felt a little embarrassed that I was laughing at such a scene with my father...
• After my grade 9 graduation dance Dad picked me up and offered to buy me dinner. He said anywhere you want, my treat. I chose McDonalds...and we went though the drive-thru. He seemed surprised, but obliged, just the same.
• I don't recall the year or the circumstances, but I was sitting on the couch in the living room (we were living on PEI at the time). I was seated on the end closest to him in his chair. He looked straight at me, and said, "God you're gorgeous". I was bashful and shy about it. He was always my biggest fan. Similarly, other times he'd look me in they eye and say, "Gosh I love you...". He was never stingy with his emotions, and, truth be told, pretty emotional himself.
• I was dating Wes. The whole family hated him, Dad especially. When you're a teenager you think you can hide things from your parents. You really can't - and I'm pretty sure he realized how unhappy I was, by times. One night, after one of our many fights (I think this was the night Wes slammed his fist into my windshield and broke the glass), Dad looked right at me and said, "I'll kill him if you want me to".
• One year around Christmas time Dad glanced out the window to see a few teenagers stealing our neighbors flood light from the front of his house. He jumped up, in sock feet....and ran down the street chasing them (they were in a car!)....he yelled after them, "I want youuuu!!!!"
• Dad loved Halloween. He always dressed the front window up elaborately - taking a skeleton head candle and some of his clothes to make a 'man' in the window. He'd string up the arms and lit him up with a blue light overhead. One year he dressed up in one of Mom's old housecoats, an old wig, and some white face paint that glowed in the dark. He sat on a chair in the doorway, still as could be, so that the kids coming to the door thought he was stuffed...and then he would jump up and scare them. He laughed more than they did.
• Dad frequently made comments about how 'little' I had to say on our many drives as he dropped me off to/from school or work. What I wouldn't give now to have those days back to fill the dead silence with so many questions...*sigh*.
• One of Dad's favorite meals was macaroni & tomatoes. One night he went to put the leftovers away in the fridge and the container slipped ...macaroni and tomatoes everywhere. The family was in hysterics. I got out my camera, and he got down on the floor with a fork and proceeded to eat/salvage what he could (truth be told, he was probably showing off for the camera, though).
• I'm not what you would call a kitchen diva...and I never was. One morning I was making breakfast and stupidly left the burner turned on. I went about my business - as I went to go to the bathroom to brush my teeth I happened to notice the light from the flames in the kitchen and yelled out, "FIRE!!". Dad, who had been asleep, jumped out of bed...ran toward the kitchen, looked at me, realized he was naked, cupped his privates, said "Oh! Excuse me!"...and then tore into the kitchen to put out the flames.
• I remember him talking to Kaitlyn on the phone when she was just a baby...so animated, "Are you Poppie's Angel? YES, you're Poppie's Angel!". He loved her so much. He also would clap his hands and sing a tune and she'd giggle and bounce up and down in her playpen - eyes lit up with so much sparkle in them.
• One year for Mom & Dad's anniversary Cathy gave them silver wine goblets, engraved. He was overwhelmed with emotion...head down and crying at the stove, pretending to cook supper.
• My final memory of him still haunts me to this day, and brings a tear to my eye whenever I think about it...it was the final day I saw him awake in the hospital. He must have known he was dying. The sores from the cancer treatment made his speech pretty much inaudible, but I remember him stretching out his arms, with tears streaming down his face, as he said, "Good bye", and pulled me in for one last hug.

It's been 7 lonely years Dad, and not one day goes by that I'm not thinking of you. I miss you more than words. Happy Fathers Day in Heaven. xoxoxoxo