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Thursday, 24 May 2012

"If you have Louis Vuitton luggage, and you're a dude, then you're an...."

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaccckkkkk!!!!!!!

Thank heavens another season of the Bachelorette is starting so I can dust off this ol' blog again (again, never my intention.  Life is apparently getting in the way of my day to day drivel.  Perhaps I ought to approach a network to see if they want a professional blogger to cut up the drama on a weekly basis?).  So this season, we have Emily Maynard, famous for winning the heart of Brad Womack.  To no one's surprise, that love affair ended, so now she's out to try her luck again, and in her hometown so she can be close to her daughter.  Some early observances from the opening episode:

-I honestly don't think I'll be able to get through another season listening to her voice and that effing fake laugh...(hashtag#onmyverylastnerve if I was a tweeter).
-some other observations about this season's Bachelorette that I didn't observe because I was too busy dissing Brad: aside from her obvious beauty, does she wear a bump it in her hair?  And also, there's something about her that a FLIPPER?? (I'm always so adept at finding flaws in otherwise beautiful people ;))
-at first I thought it was too early in the game to list observations of specific people yet, but what the EFF - faux-hawk freak with the egg? Are you for REAL?
-and Kalon is a wiener.  I don't need more time to figure that out.
 -this season's sign-on silhouette reminds me of two women with long, flowy hair - there is a dude with long Fabio-esque locks....foreshadowing for the end, perhaps?  Or maybe toward the end she comes out of the closet to confess her love of the ladies?

{Seeing as I was too lazy to pretty this up and actually get it out there before another week was upon us, you get a super-post with two weeks worth of drama....}

Week 2...
Date 1 and a one-on-one was awarded to Ryan, the hot personal trainer (hey, Ryan, if it doesn't work out for you here, feel free to hop on a plane to Atlantic Canada - I sure could use a personal trainer).  One thing that stuck out on this date for me was the way she said, "You're gonna help me unload groceries"; "You're gonna make cookies". Realllllly?  He's 'gonna', eh?  What happened to the good 'ol manners of the sweet South?  Would a little, "How would you like to...", or, "Would  you mind terribly if I asked you to....".  And please, can you PLEASE stop comparing this guy to Brad.  Shaaaaaaaaaaades of different, my sweet dear.  Oh, and P.S., was a PINK dress.  Fuschia, actually.  You can feel free to take your shirt off anytime, though.

The group date was fun. Who doesn't enjoy the Muppets?  Plus the proceeds went to charity:  win, win.  The alone time she shared with the various men on the group date seemed awkward to me.  And seriously, how many glasses of wine were consumed prior to these clips were taped, anyway?  The early jealousy was unattractive, too.

Date 2 - with Joe, and a proclaimed "Matt McConaughey" look-a-like?  Um no, Emily. Maybe Dawson. Not Matt.  I think I was just as confused as he was when she broke into tears and let him go.

The cocktail hour was all very 'meh' to me, but I must admit that I am enjoying the banter amongst them as they unload their collective distaste for Kalon.  Thank goodness ya'll are here with me for the ride - not sure I could last the whole season if it wasn't for you guys.  Stay tuned. We're almost at another Monday already :).