|Cluster of evil:|
A baby spider, on its own isn't overly threatening. No. But when you get seventy-billion in a cluster like that, the threat grows exponentially. All I could think about was ridding the car of the threat. I quickly rummaged around in my purse for something to help...nothing. I carefully opened the door and grabbed a napkin. Working quickly, I separated the nest from the car, threw the napkin down to the pavement with excessive force, and stomped furiously on it. Some attempted to escape, as I could see little things moving all around the napkin and by my foot, and to my horror: ON MY PERSON. Yes, there was also a number of them walking up my pant leg!! Using the opposite foot I tried to dispose of the threat. I shimmied around and batted at my leg with my other foot. Upon nearly losing balance, I then opted to remove my sandal to actually beat them off me. Redneck Highland jig, several shrieks, and sandal-beating later, I felt satisfied that I ridded my person of the threat and then got in the car (of course my brain still felt them crawling; all over me, I could feel them all.over.me.).
Secure in the safety of the vehicle, I noticed that my initial napkin scoop hadn't really finished the job. There were several all over the window. Now what I'm about to tell you is VERY IMPORTANT. Take heed. Learn my lesson. If you find yourself in the middle of a similar predicament, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, OPEN THE WINDOW! The fact that I'd just had a family of baby arachnids on my person no doubtedly hampered with all reason and sensibility because I opened it. I opened the god-damned window. Suddenly, a whole new crop of baby spiders were now crawling INSIDE MY CAR, down the window and down the door, trying to get back to my person! I shrieked, flew the door open and then grabbed my sandal to do my best at slamming and bamming them into smithereens. When the sandal stopped working, I grabbed a handful of napkins to finish the job (the only good thing about them being baby spiders is they were too small to be juicy. And, God bless the drive-thru staff at Dairy Queen for their heavy napkin hand).
Fighting the urge to run back in the house to shower I had to go to work; time was ticking and I would be lucky at this point if I even made it there on time. Parked, I then enlist the help of another night shift arriver to give me a once-over. She said she didn't see any. I still felt them crawling.
I made it to work on time, and I got through my shift despite ending it with a few less layers of skin from the scratching. And only 1 more baby spider had to be sacrificed from the inside of my car that night. I haven't yet quite figured out a new plan of attack if I'm faced with a future car nest. Other than never, ever opening the window again. Ever.