What IS that...smell...????????????

I have a rather disturbing story.

To give you a bit of background, keep in mind that I have a very sensitive sense of smell. I'm like a hound dog. It's really not that much of an issue except those times when Chris is overly flatulent. Anyway, on with my story.

I parked my car in the driveway for the remainder of the weekend after the little mishap Saturday night. Monday afternoon I entered it for the first time to drive to work. I smelled something...out of the ordinary...it wasn't overly powerful, so I excused it away as being something in the air outside.

Tuesday, the scent was a little stronger - nothing exceptional - but it led me to think perhaps there was something under one of the seats. I thought back to the weekend after the Bon Jovi concert. Chris & I had bought a few groceries. I had consumed a banana prior to the drive home and asked Chris to hold onto the peeling until we got home to dispose of it (I was driving). He didn't wish to do that, so he opened up the passenger window and laid it on top of the roof. The first thing I thought of was perhaps the banana peel had actually fallen into the car and was stuck somewhere under the seat.

I made a mental note to ensure I did a full sweep of the car/under the seats on the weekend to search for that missing banana peel.

Wednesday the funk was still there - perhaps a shade worse. I reminded myself of said plan to do a full sweep of the car. Joanne joined me for lunch so we took my car. I warned her of the 'funk'...she didn't smell anything unusual. I then thought perhaps I was overreacting with my over-sensitive sniffer.

Thursday, the funk was still there - I then started to think that I should perhaps look for that banana peel earlier than the weekend, but I was running late, and alas, didn't have time. On my way home from work Thursday night I needed to stop by a grocery store to pick up a few items, and was in a bit of a rush to get home prior to the start of Big Brother. When I unload the groceries I go back and forth between putting them in the back seat and putting them in the trunk. It just so happens that I decided to put them in the trunk.

*cue climactic horror movie music *

I found the source of the aforementioned funk.

Backtrack to that same day of the banana peel. The last day that we'd gotten groceries. The Sunday after the Bon Jovi concert. The date was June 28th, 2009.

It wasn't a banana peel.

Included in our purchases that day, on June 28th, was a 2 litre jug of chocolate milk. Apparently the chocolate milk played possum...hiding itself from our eyes as we emptied out the trunk. It stayed in the trunk, sealed up, ..........until last night, July 9th, 2009. 11 days had passed. Have you ever smelled soured chocolate milk? Soured, molded, CHUNKY, petrified, mummified chocolate milk?

My worst nightmare was coming true. Opening the trunk was the equivalent of opening up the firey gates of Hell. I retched as I quickly transported the bag of funk to a nearby garbage receptacle (the poor sonofab!tch who has to empty that garbage can later....). I drove with every window down and my neck hanging out like a dog. I vomited in my mouth, multiple times. I'm unsure how long it will take to air out the car. Since opening the trunk the stench inside the car has more than evolved... I can only pray that the tips I've received from my co-workers/friends to rid the stink will work. Pray for me.

I don't think I can ever drink chocolate milk again.