Do you ever have moments where you just sit and think about your life and ask yourself if you've chosen the correct path? How do you ever really know if it's 'right'? Do you base your answer on your happiness or on your accomplishments? Perhaps your decision isn't even your own? Maybe someone else chooses for you?
We all know that life is precious, and it's undoubtably too short. I would like to hope that there's something out there, somewhere, for us after we pass from this life. It seems unrealistic to me to think that we're only put on this Earth for a short time, and once our time is up, that's it. Since we never really know 'in the now' that there is more to come after this life, though, we really should concentrate on this life, and live it to its fullest. I don't want to someday wake up and realize that I let life pass me by and regret not doing what I wanted to do... It's just that to do the things I want, or see the things I want...I need money. I want to travel - to see the world....I'm lucky to get off the sandbar once a year - and it's not far when I do leave. I collect Airmiles religiously. I think I have enough miles saved up for a one-way ticket to Newfoundland.
If I sit down and think about where I am right now I scare the crap out of myself. I see the increasing greys filling up the part on my head. I don't dare pluck them anymore - we all know that 1 grey removed equals 12 new to come in replacement. I look at how I've let myself 'go' over the years, and chastize myself for quitting the gym, for eating so unhealthily and for my laziness. Do I eat more healthy to try to go down a few sizes and have every meal be an utter turnoff, or do I eat the foods I enjoy - because I want to enjoy them, and because I want to enjoy life? It would be a whole lot easier if I liked to exercise. But I don't. Not in the least do I enjoy exercise.
I look at my job and ask myself, "is this what I want to do with the rest of my life?". No. What IS it that I want to do with the rest of my life, though? I have no idea. Then I get even more scared realizing that time is passing me by...I'm getting too old to be sitting on the fence pondering what I wanna be when I grow up. To make a change though...that's another scary thought altogether. I don't know what I'm good at. I don't know what my skills are. I crave stability, and a monthly pay-cheque. I don't have a nestegg squirrelled away for a 'rainy day' to survive on. And, I've grown accustomed to the income that I do take in, so I can't afford to take a pay cut.
I've chosen to not have children. It's the decision that I've settled on for quite some time. Will I, at some point down the road, regret this choice that I've made? Will I regret it after it's too late? Who will take care of me as I get older?
Whoa...where'd all this thought-provoking stuff come from? Bet you now miss my day to day drivel, huh? But I've figured it out. All I need to fix all of these worries is to win the lottery - then money wouldn't be the deciding factor in every decision I make. I could then hire a personal trainer who could whip me into shape, and a personal chef who would cook all my meals, making them healthy. If I cheated on the occasional meal I could always pay for a plastic surgeon to pull things back into place. Oh, and if I won the lottery, I could also concentrate on the art of laziness, making that my chosen profession. And I'd be damn good at it. I could also afford to pay someone to take care of me as I got older.
Who says money can't buy everything? Whoever coined the phrase must've won the lottery. Think I'll make a stop at the local corner store on my way home to purchase a lottery ticket. It couldn't hurt, could it?
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