Circles........

I alluded to something in yesterday's post. Something about real life, avoidance and enlightening you all in a future post. I didn't think that it would be this soon that I'd be about to type these words.

This morning, at 4:30am, Big Charlie lost his fight.

The plan had been for him to spend his final days at home, but it was too hard on him. He was never one to sit still very long, so he still tried to move about and he ended up falling a few times, hurting his shoulder pretty badly. Early Saturday morning against what he really wanted, he was taken back to the hospital, to palliative care.

On Sunday, Chris, myself and his younger brother Shawn left the Island at 8am and arrived in Truro at about 11. We spent the day there, amongst many family members who didn't want to leave Big Charlie's side. He slept a lot, but was in and out, and during one of his more lucid moments everyone in the room had a chance to take turns to say, "I love you", and well,..."good-bye". It broke my heart into a million pieces to witness it, and see the pain in everyone's eyes. Briefly I felt almost like an intruder because the emotions in the room were so raw...but, I've been part of that family for the last 6 years, and I love Big Charlie like my own grandfather. The family are so welcoming so any feelings of 'intrusion' were really only short-lived. I had my own chance to kiss his forehead and tell him that I loved him. He told me he loved me, too.

I'm thankful everyone had a moment with him like that -- few do have that kind of opportunity.

We made our way back home, knowing possibly that was the last time we'd see Big Charlie alive, but at the same time, praying he'd hang on for a bit longer so that we could return this weekend to visit him again.

I got an email from Chris yesterday morning saying that Shawn had been speaking to him on the phone - and that he'd had a really good night on Sunday, and was even sitting up some. He still wasn't eating anything though...

Last night, Chris got a call from his dad to keep us up to date. Big Charlie told Chris' nannie yesterday that he was ready to go now. She said that if he was ready, then he should go...

He passed in his sleep, peacefully.

I can't stop thinking of Chris' nannie. The look of pain and sadness in her eyes was almost unbearable. She clutched his hand the whole time we were there. We are all losing such a special man in our lives, but he was her best friend and life partner for the last 61 years. Now she has to live in that big empty house all by herself... I pray for her comfort and her peace.

Farewell, Big Charlie. Rest in peace -- we love you and will miss you more than words...xoxox.