"I don't have pet peeves, I have whole kennels of irritation”*

In junior high I sat close to this guy named Rodney. He sniffed incessantly. It was like he had a perma-booger that was lodged in-between the inside of his nostril and the outside world. That, or perhaps he had super stuffed up sinuses. Regardless, it bugged me. A LOT. To the point that I had a hard time concentrating in class. Did I ask the teacher to move me though? Of course not. But, really...is that an acceptable reason to move your desk? Because of someone sniffing? Did I coyly pass him a tissue and beg of him to, 'blow!'? Well, no. Wouldn't that have been rude? Inside my young brain I guess I felt that eventually he'd realize it himself and he'd go retrieve his own tissue.

You see, I'm terrribly affected by repetitive, inane noises... a tap dripping...someone drumming their hands on a desk...clinking one's ring on a table...someone snoring...an answering machine or cell phone beeping over and over and over with an unheard message...nose whistles...snapping of gum, or better yet, chewing of gum with one's mouth open that makes that distinct 'chewing noise'...nose whistles (oh, did I already list that?)...

Repetitive noises such as these make me ragey. I really would be the perfect candidate for some sort of torture method whereby the victim is tightly bound and made listen to one of those noises on repeat. I wonder how long I would last before I decided to try to swallow my own tongue in an effort to make the noise stop? I can't be the only person out there like this, am I? Anyone else wanna fess up to being equally susceptible as I am? What do you do to cope? Do you make a physical effort to make the annoyance stop - like getting up and moving away from the noise, or telling someone to stop their damn chewing in your ear, or suck back the G.D. snot already? Or do you try to pretend it doesn't exist - imagine yourself on a faraway beach of white sands and turquoise waters, sipping on a frosty, umbrella drink? Maybe I need therapy.

*Quote by Whoopi Goldburg

overheard at the office...

Where I work, we deal with customer accounts. In accordance with the privacy act, we do have to make every effort to ensure that our customers' privacy is protected. We offer, and encourage, our customers to add a security password to their account. We ask for this password when they call with an inquiry so we, of course, are assured we're talking to the right person. The problem lies in the fact that most people forget what they've used for their password. We also suggest a corresponding hint question that enables the customer's recall of the right answer, but some people don't bother with the hint question. They still forget what the password is when they call. We then try to give our own hints, based on what we see the password to be. A co-worker was telling a story the other day about her encounter with such a scenario:

Customer calls in. Customer's account is password protected. Customer does not have a corresponding hint question. The forgotten password is ham basket. Service agent attempts to help customer come up with the answer to the password question by offering the following, "It might possibly be a place of employment that you've had".

*queue uproarious laughter*

For those of my readers (like the aforementioned service agent) who may not know what this colloquialism may be referring to, I've taken the liberty of finding it for you on urban dictionary and have linked the definition to the term. Simply click the link, and you will be filled with more wisdom than you were a few moments ago.

*resume uproarious laughter*

Supposing the service agent did know the meaning of the term, what do you suppose she may have used for her 'hint'? "It might possibly be one of your hidden talents?"

"...I feel like I'm on my way to finding my wife..."

I'm late with this. Sorry lovelies. We had company over last night, so I ended up having to record Monday's episode of the Bachelor and am just watching it now. As it played out, here are my thoughts:

• To the mentally unstable chick who "spent all that money on clothes", and "quit her job": OF COURSE Brad will fall in love with you! You totally will be the last woman standing for those two reasons alone! *massive eye roll*. (PS - you should have spent the money you wasted on the clothes on a better boob job).
• Bahahahahahaah!!! Date #1 and Brad brings out his inner carny!!!!
• Does Ashley H talk with her hands like that allllll the time, or is just nerves?
• Alli= Jennifer Garner's double?
• "You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love you" - song lyrics by Train from Brad's date with Jackie. HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THIS LYRIC????!
• OMG did he just use the term, "irregardless"????!
• Keltie - if the Bachelor is your 'last ditch effort' you should probably seek the help of a trusted professional.
• The drama between Melissa & Raichel was the most entertaining part of the show. If you ask me, Melissa is just jealous of Raichel's boobs. (Jumping Jesus - in one breath she's snuffing and crying over how stressed she is...and in the next breath, giggling over potential onion breath?). It really is too bad that Brad had to kibosh it so quickly, don't you think?

Another 90 or so odd minutes of my life I'll never get back. At least it's a little blog fodder ;).

One or the other

Borrowed from the lovely Trudy*:

You can pretend you want to know a little bit more about me...

1.Sweet or Savoury? Look at me - obviously I enjoy large helpings of either. A lot.

2.Dresses or Jeans? Jeans - especially Mr. Reitmans comfort fit ones. Thank you Mr. Reitman!

3.House or Apartment? - While maintenance, snow removal, and the fact one is not responsible for replacing broken appliances is a very attractive option, having to deal with shitty-ass neighbors outweighs any goodness. And why put hundreds of dollars out to rent something when you can put those hundreds towards something that might possibly be yours someday?

4.Shop Online or Offline? - I hate shopping - specifically when it's the Christmas season, and have often considered doing my entire Christmas shopping online. However, having the option to touch something and feel it before you buy it is much more attractive to me, so I brave the stores :).

5.DVDs or Downloads? - Both; and lately, way too much Netflix. I love commercial free tv.

6.Cocktails or Juice? - Unless there's cocktail mix in my juice, I don't normally drink juice. So cocktails. And keep 'em coming.

7.Chocolate or Strawberry? - Having to choose between one or the other, there will be no way I will ever, ever choose a strawberry over a piece of chocolate. However, I do very much enjoy chocolate-dipped strawberries.

8.Laptop or PC? - Laptop, without a doubt. I'll probably never own another PC again.

9.Magazines or Newspapers? - Magazines. I hate the black residue a newspaper leaves.

10.Facebook or Twitter? - I don't tweet. Yet.

11.CDs or MP3s? - CDs, and lately a whole lotta iTunes for my iPod.

12.Kids or Pets? - PETS

13.Macaroon or Cupcakes? - Cupcakes; I don't much like coconut.

14.Walk or Run? - I do whatever I possibly can to never, ever run.

15.Breakfast in Bed or Breakfast Out? - I don't like crumbs in my bed. But I'd prefer to have breakfast made for me without leaving the house, so that I may stay in my jammies and have the freedom to loaf for as long as I possibly can.

16.Market or Supermarket? - I enjoy going to a market to support our local farmers, but honestly end up at the supermarket for most things because I'm too lazy to go to different places for things I can get at a one-stop shopping place.

17.Sourdough or Grainy? - For a treat, a little sourdough is good, but for day to day I'm trying to incorporate a lot more whole grain foods into my diet.

18.Heels or Flats? - I loathe, loathe, loathe high heels.

19.Late nights or Not? - I used to be a night owl; over the last couple of years, however, by 11pm I'm almost nodding off.

20.Coffee or Tea? - Coffee, and copious quantities of it. During the colder months, I am known for sipping on a spot o' tea rather regularly though.

*I had borrowed this from Trudy months ago, and had it started in my drafts since then. Once I posted it I went to her blog to read her answers again. Without knowing it some of my answers bear a bit of resemblance to hers...which is a complete accident. And a testament that we're related. And both kinda awesome :).

WTF???

Um.

Is it just me, or does this not scare the CRAP out of anyone else out there????

Sure since Netflix came into our lives I've watched waaay too much Paranormal State, and have seen the Seventh Sign, and have watched several shows on what Nostradomus predicts. And yeah, I might be a little bit more impressionable than the average joe, but my dear Jebus. I'm ready to start building an underground shelter. Who's got a shovel?

Update: Okay, after reading the following article today I feel slightly less disturbed:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40961721/ns/us_news-environment/?gt1=43001

I still think it's creepy though. :P

The habit compels me....

A new year. A new Bachelor!

...err....waaaaaiiiiiitaminute...WTF....Brad? Commitment-phob Brad? Brad-I-have-to-tell-you-good-bye (to both women), Brad? Surely there were other suitable Bachelors in America, ABC....? So he blames his inability to commit on his absent father? And he's taken three years to soul search via intensive therapy, enabling him a newfound ability to now fall in love, drop to one knee, propose, and settle in a home with a white picket fence? Riiiiiight. If you ask me, his self-esteem was completely annihilated by public ridicule, and he's now jumping at the opportunity to try to redeem himself and try to change the views of every woman in America, for better or for worse...

Some early observances:

• Notice they've opted to leave the ages of the bachelorettes out?
• He was SO awkward, and if I have to hear, "I've changed-which-loosely-translates-t0-PLEASE-don't-hate-me" one.more.time I might literally vomit.
• Is it just me, or does anyone else think he should be bare-chested in faded overalls chewing on a piece of straw?
• He's very fortunate the girls received him like they did. I'm smelling a lot of desperation in the room, and a lot of future heartbreak.
  
• WTF was up with the vampire chick?
• Early favourite: Emily
• Early unfavourite: the vampire
• Girls: being rejected on night ONE of the Bachelor SHOULD NOT induce tears - unless you're emotionally unstable and need professional help!
  
• Quotes of the evening: "If he doesn't get a wife this time, he's gonna have to go into a cave"; "It's better to be home alone than to be home and wish you were alone".

Ah the upcoming Womack Mondays should prove to be interesting, indeed!

Like sands through the hourglass...

...er, well, you know what I mean (man I used to be addicted to that soap opera). It's another year. A new calendar. New possibilities. New hopes. My new year started out rather quietly. NYE we went to Julie & Brian's, joining Tanya, Jared & Ryder, and Erin, Shane & Nate to count down to the midnight hour. My friends, Jackson & Triggs also came along for the ride, and because I couldn't let either one of them stay there without me, I slept away the better part of January 1st, followed by an evening of jammied tv time. Yesterday was pretty much a repeat of NY Day (the older you get, the more recovery time you need. And lesson learned: there really isn't a need to polish an entire bottle in one evening). The tree is still standing, fully decorated - partly out of laziness, partly because it's just so damn pretty and I hate the emptiness it leaves in the room when it's taken down. We'll probably get around to de-Christmassing this coming weekend. Probably.

So a new year, and with it come new resolutions. I've never been one to fully get on board with making "resolutions", but last January I did have a few ideas that I jotted down that I wanted to accomplish in 2o10. Let's revisit them, shall we, and I'll note how successful or unsuccessful of an undertaking they actually were in parentheses:

-to continue my 'healthier eating' approach to life (HUGE FAIL)
-to commit 1 day/week to my momma - be it an outing for the two of us, a visit to watch tv with her, or just a phone call. (SUCCESS)
-to read 1 book per month (Fail, but I finished several books, which was probably more in the year than I had in many years prior (combined).)
-to drink more water (Consistent attempt)
-to try new fruits and vegetables (new WHAT??!)
-to pay my Visa down (Bahahaha! Right. FAIL).
-to own (ie, have the ability to fit my fat calves into) a pair of high boots (SUCCESS (not because I lost weight in my calves, though. Thanks to http://www.widewidths.com/, I now own a pair of tall boots that I find very comfortable - fat calves and all.)
-to have a more positive attitude re: certain things in my life (Work in progress)
-to laugh more (My mom still thinks I have no sense of humour.)
-to craft more, even if it's just making cards (I never bought one store-bought card in 2010. I didn't craft anything else, though.)
-to de-clutter (The tin collection above my kitchen cupboards finally found it's way to the recycling bins...does that count?)
-to exercise and learn to like it (I played tennis. And liked it. Once. *looks down at protruding fat belly and feels like a failure*)

(I shall continue this list into 2011....and in 2012 we can re-revisit ;))

So I guess my 2010 was a year of some success, but mostly failures when you put it down in point form (see why I don't make resolutions?). Yes, I still need work at learning to budget, which includes finding extra money to pay down credit card debt. And yes, I fell off the healthy eating wagon...hard. So I have a few challenges for myself in the year ahead to get back ON that wagon and ride it to victory. This may come with the resurgence of the blog...and I welcome any and all words of encouragement and polite kicks in the ass that you can provide. One of my biggest accomplishments that I've stuck with, however, is freeing up regular time to spend with my Mom. Our time together is super important to me. I love her dearly, and I hope our Mummy & Me nights can continue for many years to come. That one accomplished goal alone makes up for all the less than successful moments. Though I may have to shop at a website for fluffy calves, and I still may find myself winded as I reach the threshold of a stairway, I'm creating precious memories of time well spent with one of the most important people in my life. And that's worth more than it's weight in gold. Happy New Year. May you all take a regular opportunity throughout 2011 to make your own precious moments in time.