All's well that ends well

Every now and then, life teaches you a lesson. A hard lesson that ends up being a kick in the junk - so much so that you wanna kick yourself in your own junk because you feel so stupid. I had one of those little lessons this past weekend.

Some back story: I'm a hoarder. Ok, well that might be harsh. You don't have to walk on top of boxes to move between rooms in my house. My sinks are not full of garbage, nor is my bathtub. So I'm not a true "hoarder" in the sense that is in TLC's eyes, but I do tend to hold onto things, ie, gift cards, 2-for-1 coupons, etc, for 'tough times'. Have coupons and cards expired before I had to use them? Oh yes. It's a piss off, but, it's my own fault, and I take full responsibility. I oughta be more diligent with that sorta thing, I know. Most of what I lost was in the low denomination value, but let's face it, in this day and age, even the loss of $10 is worth mourning. I can't tell you how happy I was when I heard that there was now an official ruling by the government that cards purchased after Sept 2010 would no longer incur an expiration. I mean, it makes sense....a gift card was paid for in cash. Cash is cash. Cash doesn't expire, so why did gift cards ever have an expiry before? You all know the answer to that. It's because in this world, there's a whoolllllle lotta dumb people like me who fail to use them, therefore the company reaps the benefit of making money for nothing.

Ok, segway back to my story.

I received a rather substantial Visa gift card through an incentive program at my work. I had a plan to use this card for Christmas shopping so I tucked it away safely in my craft room until it was time to make a purchase. Sunday, in between toiling away making the Christmas cards, I just happened to open the packaging that contained said Visa card. I literally almost vomited right then and there. I saw spots and I felt faint. The date was December 5, 2010 when I peeled the packaging away. To my horror, the expiry date on my substantial Visa gift card had run its course...ending November 2010.

I immediately called the 800# on the back of the card. I explained my plight. I admitted my own stupidity and my own responsibility. I prayed for a miracle. I begged for a grace period. Surely to GAWD with only 5 days past expiry they could do something for me - even if it was to take a loss on the dollar amount. But no. Point blank, the card expired, therefore I was S.O.L. I asked to speak to a supervisor. I reached another unsympathetic ear. I was devastated. I felt like I had been robbed. I have never, ever felt so stupid in my life. And, I felt very sorry for myself. And, I'll admit, there were a few tears, but I'll blame PMS on that.

I went to a contact at work the next day, hoping something could possibly be done by the company. My contact went to her contact...unfortunately, I met yet another dead end. A co-worker insisted I keep up the fight. She googled gift card Visas and expiry...and lo and behold, on the Visa.ca website, under their FAQ section, it's cited that if a Visa gift card expires with a balance, there is an option to replace it for a fee. I felt a renewed sense of fight build inside of me. I sent a message via the reward company's website. After I got off work, I called them back again, this time citing the information I found, and requesting to order a replacement card. Once again, I was met with an unsympathetic ear, and another round of, "I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do for you". My rage continued. I suggested that the website I found with the FAQ be looked at. Apparently she didn't have internet access.

Suddenly, it hit me...this was the reward company who issued the card for my workplace. The card itself was a Citizens Bank gift Visa....perhaps I should be dealing with them? So a phone call and 3 transfers later, I was met with a very friendly, sympathetic, ear, and I currently have an order out for a replacement card for my substantial expired Visa gift card, for a small fee of $20. It was like Christmas came early for me.

Persistence pays. When it comes to money lost --- fight for it. I still won't believe this chapter in self-idiocy has ended until I see the replacement card in my mailbox, but I do have a small sense of victory. And you can be sure I'm going to pay careful attention to expiry dates from now on.

some days you're a bug, some days you're a windshield

For a moment I almost opted to not share the following story with the interwebs. I was going to chalk it up to another 'dumb girl' moment, and move on. But, if my own idiocy can help at least one person out there, then my feelings of stupidity shall not have been in vain.

Allow me to back track.

It was Monday morning. I was once again running late to get to work. For the past while, I've been fortunate enough to time my travels right to the last second, and have been able to log in just on time. This day, I knew I'd be pushing it a teensy-weensy bit, so there was no time to fiddle with the radio dial, sunglasses, or my lint brush. I put the car in gear and applied pressure to the gas. The car lurched a bit. And it had a bit of a strange noise. I was concerned, yes, but, again, was running late. I immediately assumed there was something terribly wrong - possibly a belt, or perhaps even a problem with my transmission. It just felt really bogged down and sloggy. I made it to work, late by 2 minutes, and immediately did the only thing I felt I could do about the situation: I emailed the boy.

Of course, having not actually driven the car himself, and basing his diagnosis on my feeble attempt at a technical description of the morning events ("it just felt...boggy..."), he remained puzzled as well. I admit, I didn't read too much concern between the lines, either. I, on the other hand, had a mild case of the poops, going through inner turmoil at the very thought of the car having something terribly wrong with it, and the possibility of getting stranded in the middle of ongoing traffic. Add to that a dead cell phone in my purse, and slight reservations on even being able to pop the hood since I drive a German car with a strangely complicated latch to open the hood. Even the guy at the gas station can attest to that. I personally have yet to successfully open it myself.

So, I suggested to the boy that perhaps he wouldn't mind taking a stop into my work during his lunch hour to take it for a drive. I knew deep down that as soon as he witnessed what I'd witnessed, he'd immediately know what to do, or, at least he'd fill me with the confidence to simply take it to the dealership. He wasn't thrilled at the prospect, and actually ignored my message. I worried that he'd not come by. Thankfully, he's a bit of an amazing sort of guy, and he did come to my rescue, after all. I walked up to him perched on the back of his own vehicle. He was browsing his iPod, and waiting. He was waiting for me, yes, but he was also waiting for my tire to inflate.

Yes, folks, tire. I had a flat tire. It wasn't a belt. It wasn't the transmission. I had a flat tire. Apparently, your car doesn't tend to move forward very smoothly with a square wheel. Luckily, I didn't damage the tire or the rim while I rode from the 'hood to work....

Moral of the story: the little 'once around' that they teach you at drivers ed? Turns out it's actually useful. Make sure your tires aren't low before embarking on a journey.

Oh, and I bought him lunch for his trouble. Love you honey...xoxo.

Stupid IS as stupid DOES

We're experiencing a mild "heat wave" round these here parts with the humidex-"feels like" temps into the high 30's and low 40's (Celcius, that is - that's just over 100 F for my American readers). I aim not to complain - because shortly I know that we'll be in the depths of winter and I won't be able to get my toes warm. And, let's be honest, we have an air conditioner...so aside from being a few dollars more in the hole to pay the electric bill, the heat hasn't had a chance to really 'bother' me a lot. *ducking*. Besides, I rarely complain about being cold. I can always don another sweater or a warmer pair of slippers. When this bodacious physique is hot though.....that's a whole other story.

Anyway. I digress. With the heat come fruit flies. I've been fairly diligent with my little fruit fly traps. There are many ways one can rid their home of fruit flies. I find that a small piece of fruit in a covered cup works really well (cover with a piece of saran, and then poke small holes in the saran so that the fruity stink entices the little effers inside. The trick is to make the holes small enough that they can't get themselves out, and they eventually die in the container).

Last night I learned two very important somethings. Something number 1: when constructing your own fruit fly trap, ensure that you use a cup that is DISPOSABLE. And, something number 2: never, ever, ever, EVER place your fruit fly trap inside a microwave oven and turn said oven on.

Oh the stank still haunts me.

See...last week's fly trap was made from one of my pretty Winnie-the-Pooh juice glasses...I wanted to salvage the glass....but, when I went to take a look I saw several fruit flies that had yet to reach their demise. Instead of leaving it be for a few more days and letting them die off I felt this need to clean the glass right away. I didn't want to tear off the saran wrap and risk the remaining 6-7 of them flying up into my face. I needed to kill them. I had a moment of "brilliance" just then, thinking, "I bet a few seconds in the microwave would do just fine".

And it did.

The flies died.

But that dank, rotting sliver of what used to be a banana when heated created a vomit-inducing-I-think-I'd-rather-have-something-defecate-in-my-mouth-than-smell-it-for-a-second-longer stink, that was worse than any other stink that I've ever, ever smelled. I think I truly may know what death smells like...why the CSI guys put smelly stuff under their noses. Oh.my.effing.merciful.Jebus. Never did I think I could ever experience anything that could rival the "incident"...but, I think it might have.

Yeah, so people, allow my blatant stupidity be YOUR guide. The only good thing? My house was just a-shining as I did my best efforts to rid it of the invading stench. I tried to microwave lemon juice. I then added vinegar. I then scoured and scrubbed every surface with pretty-smelling cleaner. I had every single scented candle burning. I'm happy to report that it seems my efforts have paid off. I am, however, a little afraid to open the microwave door.