for Jenn

So I had a crappy day.  System issues playing havoc on the daily routine...being down in manpower on account of a scheduled vacation for a co-worker taxing an already huge backlog of backlog...lack of sleep...aching joints and damp weather.  Added together, I thought I had the perfect fixings to a day worth a litany of 'poor me' thoughts, and I validated those thoughts from sun up til sun down.  There may have been tears (ok, so maybe we can even throw hormonal in the mix??).  It's at times like these when life will then kick you in your proverbial sunken ass, and give you a dose of perspective, and realism.  I'm lucky.  I'm damn lucky.  How dare I sit and wallow in my own self-pity and feelings of self-loathing?  How dare I?

As I wallowed and did my routine check on FB status updates, I noticed several friends with memorial status updates for a "Jenn".  I noticed several had profile picture updates with the same, simple, "Love for Jenn", badge.  It would appear that a friend of a friend(s) lost her battle with cancer yesterday.  Curious, I did a search on FB and found a page dedicated to the strength and courage of this young lady. It also linked to her personal blog, where she wrote about her first diagnosis, her triumph of having 'beat' it...and, the unfortunate return. She had battled the disease for two years with vigor, passion, an unwavering will, and the utmost of positivity.  She leaves behind a loving husband, a 3 year old son, and a legacy of love and hope that will live on in her honour.

I sat here and read every single word that she wrote.  In awe.  In tears.  In complete and utter sadness for a true spirit taken from this world, and a renewed sense of gratitude and overwhelming guilt for feeling so sorry for myself all day long, I once again am aware of the fragility of life. Of the need to live each day with its fullest and highest potential.  Of never, ever leaving any word unspoken.  Of having no regrets.  Of living life with passion.  Of loving to its most unconditional potential.  I encourage you all to click on Jenn's blog, and read her story, and share her pain and her passion.

To Jenn:   I didn't know you, but your story has touched my very core.  You were truly a blessed soul, and you blessed everyone you touched.  Your words will continue to touch, and I wish your family peace, as they keep you close in their hearts and memories, forever.

Go tell someone you love them.  Go live....

Making a new tradition

The traditional Christmas tree can be topped with a star, or an angel. I've always preferred an angel - seems so much more special to me. Our tree at home as I was growing up always had an angel, too, so it might be that the nostalgia alone is what I hold onto.

The other day I was catching up on my friends' Facebook status updates (jebus almighty, what did we do before Facebook??), and I came across one including the following quote: "I don't need an Angel on top of my Christmas tree, I have one in Heaven watching over me"*. Ironically, I had just finished trimming our Christmas tree the night before. It was all done except the treetop was bare, because my angel was still packed away in another Christmas box that I'd not yet gotten to. The words hit home, and for a moment, I thought to myself, "Hmmm....so true; perhaps, this year, to honour our own Angels in Heaven, I'll leave the treetop bare". That same friend commented that this year, she instead put a star atop her tree, to remind her that she's had a good year, and to to signify that she and her family and friends are all stars in their own right, and they should shine brightly, like those shine above us, in Heaven.

She's right.

I am going to buy us a star for our tree. And the star will now have a brand new meaning for me - to symbolize our own very special shining stars who can't be with us in person this Christmas, but who will always be with us in spirit, shining down on us from Heaven, twinkling, and shining brightly, always.

*Thanks, Shemla, for your words of inspiration, and wisdom. :)

52 years ago

Today would have been 52 years for them, had Dad not passed on.

52 years ago today, a man married his best friend.
52 years ago today, a woman, hers.
School mates.
Soul mates.
Forever loved.
Forever missed.
Now an empty pillow lays where his head used to lay.
Today she pours one glass, not two -
As she thinks about her best friend,
And the day two became one.

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad.