Along came the spiders...

It started out like any other Friday.  I was working the late shift that day, but despite the later start time, I, as usual, left it to the very last second to leave the house. Upon reaching the driver door I noticed a cluster of evil perched between the driverside mirror and the door itself.  I was too panicked to take a photo with my phone so the googled image here will have to be enough of a descriptor for you:

Cluster of evil:

A baby spider, on its own isn't overly threatening. No.  But when you get seventy-billion in a cluster like that, the threat grows exponentially.  All I could think about was ridding the car of the threat.  I quickly rummaged around in my purse for something to help...nothing.  I carefully opened the door and grabbed a napkin.  Working quickly, I separated the nest from the car, threw the napkin down to the pavement with excessive force, and stomped furiously on it.  Some attempted to escape, as I could see little things moving all around the napkin and by my foot, and to my horror:  ON MY PERSON.  Yes, there was also a number of them walking up my pant leg!!  Using the opposite foot I tried to dispose of the threat.  I shimmied around and batted at my leg with my other foot. Upon nearly losing balance, I then opted to remove my sandal to actually beat them off me.  Redneck Highland jig, several shrieks, and sandal-beating later, I felt satisfied that I ridded my person of the threat and then got in the car (of course my brain still felt them crawling; all over me, I could feel them all.over.me.). 

Secure in the safety of the vehicle, I noticed that my initial napkin scoop hadn't really finished the job.  There were several all over the window.  Now what I'm about to tell you is VERY IMPORTANT.  Take heed.  Learn my lesson.  If you find yourself in the middle of a similar predicament, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT,  OPEN THE WINDOW!  The fact that I'd just had a family of baby arachnids on my person no doubtedly hampered with all reason and sensibility because I opened it.  I opened the god-damned window.  Suddenly, a whole new crop of baby spiders were now crawling INSIDE MY CAR, down the window and down the door, trying to get back to my person!  I shrieked, flew the door open and then grabbed my sandal to do my best at slamming and bamming them into smithereens.  When the sandal stopped working, I grabbed a handful of napkins to finish the job (the only good thing about them being baby spiders is they were too small to be juicy. And, God bless the drive-thru staff at Dairy Queen for their heavy napkin hand).

Fighting the urge to run back in the house to shower I had to go to work; time was ticking and I would be lucky at this point if I even made it there on time.  Parked, I then enlist the help of another night shift arriver to give me a once-over. She said she didn't see any.  I still felt them crawling. 

I made it to work on time, and I got through my shift despite ending it with a few less layers of skin from the scratching.  And only 1 more baby spider had to be sacrificed from the inside of my car that night.  I haven't yet quite figured out a new plan of attack if I'm faced with a future car nest. Other than never, ever opening the window again. Ever.

...climbed up the waterspout...

Might I just add that NOT long after the sink spider incident, I discovered the following ginormous creature in the bathtub!

Proof to my theory that those icky, disgusting things live in the deep, dark depths of the drain pipes.  Chris wasn't home when it reared its girthy frame so I knew I was on my own.  I DID, however, attempt to coerce Bosco to be the saviour of the day.  He and Zoe both do enjoy playing with the odd creepy crawly.  As Zoe's *ahem* stature isn't condusive to quick-play, Bosco won the choice in cat, and I thought I'd likely be home free.  I grab him, coax him into the tub, asking him to, "Get that spider for Mummy!! Get that spider!!".  Bosco immediately made an extremely hasty retreat from the tub as fast as he left my arms.  It was as if I'd introduced him to the devil himself.  Not wanting to take the chance on another fail, I opted out of grabbing Zoe from her slumber, and instead grabbed the nearly-full 1.5L bottle of shampoo and went to work.  The death was fairly quick, but I did mush a few extra heaves at it with the bottle.  When I was convinced the spider could not reincarnate I then took an empty toilet paper tube and flicked him from the bottom of the shampoo bottle into the waiting toilet bowl and sent him a-flush. You can never be too sure, ya know.

Things that make you go hmm...

So one of my co-workers is hard-core into what's healthy and what's not, and is very encouraging when it comes to advising us what supplemental things we can add to our diet to make ourselves better, healthier selves.  Today's words of wisdom were to tell us of the benefit of eating chia seeds.  Of course in my 12-year-old-boy-brain all I could do was sing "ch-ch-cha-chia", while envisioning Shaggy's head with a billowing green 'do, but I digress.  Apparently, chia is very beneficial for one's digestive tract as it works to 'sweep' things along, keeping your colon happy.  The chia seed is very light and very small.  My co-worker went to our local Bulk Barn and came back with a small plastic bag of chia to try.  I guess there was static in the bag, because once the bag was placed atop the desk the little seeds were hopping and moving inside (it looked super creepy to me actually).

That led our discussion to the Mexican Jumping Bean.  Did any of ya'll have this special toy when you were young?  I polled my work audience, and the younger ones had no idea what I was talking about but those my age or older, did.  I remember having them.  I remember taking them out of their little plastic box and watching them twitch and roll - especially if you put them under a light.  I remember holding them and how it made me giggle at the feel of them jumping around.  It sorta tickled.  So we got to talking about them.  Just what, exactly makes a Mexican Jumping Bean jump?  Is it similar to what we saw today?  Are they so light that static electricity makes them appear lifelike?

Well, actually, no.  In fact, it's much more sinister.  Creepy, even.  It's actually a life form.  Inside the shell is a living, breathing, moving caterpillar!!!  That, with enough time, hatches!  My parents gave me BUGS to play with when I was a young'n!  Maybe that's why I hate bugs so much today.  Perhaps I'm repressing some terrible memory of taking my special, precious Mexican Jumping Beans to bed with me, and having them hatch under my pillow and wake up to them squirming over me?

I told Chris about it - he, of course, being younger didn't know what the heck I was even talking about.  I told him the childhood story and the truth that I'd today found.  He didn't believe me...so I made him watch this (he believes me now):



I'm not sure you can still buy them today - can't say I'm entirely surprised if you can't!

Consider it your daily science lesson.  Happy Friday!