"If I don't get a hometown date, I'll be scared for anybody around here"

The pressure's on folks - it's the week before the hometown dates.  There's 3 one-on-one dates and one group date tonight, and Emily and men are in the city of Prague.  Arie is chosen for the first alone date.  They tour the streets of Prague, with Emily as the chosen tour guide.  Her main goal of the date is to get to the bottom of a "secret" that she knows about, but he doesn't yet know that she knows. The secret is a past romantic relationship that Arie had with one of the shows producers; the producer herself confronted Emily {that's totally a flipper}. As the truth unfolds, it turns out the 'relationship' was very, very brief, and happened 10 years ago.  Arie didn't feel that it was worth revealing because it was so brief and so long ago, and Emily decides she was overreacting.  The date ends with super-schmoozy Arie confessing that he's fallen in love with her, and if he already wasn't a shoe-in for tonight's rose, that sealed his fate.

John "Wolf" is the lucky winner of the 2nd alone date.  They draw on the Lennon Wall, and she confesses she has to find her "romantic connection" with John.  From the Lennon Wall, they head to the lock gate and seal their fate with securing a lock to the gate.  The lock is a symbol of their love.  Lo and behold, they struggled to get the lock locked.  Foreshadowing for John's demise?  We shall see.  They head into the depths of a dungeon and share a candlelit dinner.  He looks awkward and nervous until he opens up about how the last relationship he was in ended because the gal cheated on him - complete with tear-filled eyes.  Careful, Johnny....sign of vulnerability, or a sign that you still love the old trollop?  He walked away with confidence, however, after planting a smooch on her kisser.

The date card arrives to notify those chosen for the group date, and Sean, Chris & Doug are the chosen ones. Chris sulks like a CHILD.  Sean runs through the steets of Prague yelling out Emily's name (wtf?)....but, he ends up finding her, and steals some one-one-one time (and some hot kisses).  Before we know it, the group is off and running.  They are swept up in a horse and carriage ride up to the top of a mountain and to an ancient castle. Emily and Doug share some time together, and Emily bemoans that he's not fighting for her and not touching her or kissing her enough, and she sends him on his way back to cuddle with his son. OH! Yep, and we get another ugly man cry to boot.  Sending him home makes it a little easier on Emily to share herself, and both Sean and Chris are more than happy to split their alone time in half instead of thirds.  Chris relays his displeasure for being picked for just the group date {which I HOPE nails his coffin}, even though he says he's not going to "dwell on it" {ORLY Chris, then why bring it up in the first place?  I can't stand that guy}.  Emily gives the date rose to Sean, and once again, Chris' rage was overly apparent {If I was Emily I might be concerned about this one's temper...}.

If you've done the math, you'll know that Jef-with-one-f is the recipient of the final one-on-one date for the week. They test out somne marionettes, and enact their 'feelings' for each other with the puppets.  They discuss their families, what to expect for 'hometown', and even marriage, and kids.  He's totally smitten with her and it shows.  He'll definitely get a chance to show her his stompin' gounds.

Because the guy is SUCH a DONKEY!

As the cocktail hour is about to begin, Emily approaches Chris Harrison to tell him she had already made her mind up,so she didn't need a cocktail hour, and we get right to the nitty gritty and the handing out of the roses.  Chris B freaks out because he needed an opportunity to make up for being an ASS on their group date, so he interrupts the rose ceremony just ahead of the final rose being distributed, begs for some alone time, bawls like a baby, and this ultimately leads onward to him receiving the final rose, and the Wolfman being sent home.  As she said good-bye to Wolf she seemed sincere in her decision but I can't help but wonder if Chris B's waterworks was indeed a deciding factor...then again, that lock wouldn't lock though, right?

Hometowns are just 7 days away folks - and hey, aren't you proud that I posted this on time tonight?  A huge accomplishment indeed.  Happy Monday :)

"if Ryan is the next Bachelor, then the bachelorette is a mirror"

This week we see the beautiful views of Croatia as Emily readies herself for some alone time with the boys, sans Ricki to offer a distraction inbetween.  Emily surprises the pack by dropping by their domain to hand Travis his one-on-one date card in person.  They waltz around the city hand in hand and eat a cone of ice cream.  It's a good thing they did have ice cream, because before the poor guy has a chance to eat his supper she picks up the date rose only to tell the guy why she can't give it to him.  Apparently she isn't feeling the romance, so it's better that she does send him home rather than keep him there hanging on.  We were then witness to a male ugly cry. Oh, and by the way Travis, the throwing down of the umbrella in the pouring rain was very metaphorical to explain your feelings.  Nice touch.

The group date is next, and it's a good 'ol fashion movie date.  The daters are treated to a showing of Pixar's new movie, Brave.  I guess the movie was a preparation for the boys to set up their own rendition of the Highland games, complete with kilts. By far the best scene of the season was the camera panning over their beefy chests as they changed out of their datewear into their highland gamewear.  And of course, we can all leave it to our own imaginations whether or not they truly wore those kilts the way they were intended ;).  I'm no athelete, but even I know that Chris' attempt at archery was alllll shades of wrong, and I really felt he was in danger of knocking himself in the head with the log.  Despite the fact that he was clearly the least athletic of all there, to everyone's surprise, including his own, he was picked as the 'winner' of the games by Emily because he showed the most bravery by giving it his "all".  It felt like she was crowning the winner of the Special Olympics (oh my did I just type that out loud?  Yeah. I guess I did).  And man, she's just FULL of surprises tonight isn't she?  Not only did she hand Chris the bravery cup, but she also handed him the date rose.  Perhaps he's showing her a different side than what he's showing the viewers?  *shrug*

Ryan-the-Super-Douche was given the final one-on-one date, and we can only hope that she selected both he and Travis to similarly seal their fates.  They head off on a drive where he assures her that he's an excellent driver because he, "doesn't get into accidents", and all the while the Croatians are honking their horns left, right and center at him (I guess even his driving is douchy).  They give the car a rest and go oystering.  He of course is very encouraging for her to try her first oyster.  After all, they are an aphrodesiac, right?  She spits it off the side of the boat, and if we're talking metaphors again, perhaps that's the metaphor of how she rejects him? (oh please, oh please, oh please!).  Again on the date, the topic of him wanting her to be his 'trophy wife' comes up, and as they embark on their evening supper she shows up head to toe in gold, just like a trophy.  Despite the fact that Ryan wore shoes that matched the colors of the turquoise candle holders on the table, she disappoints him by telling him why she can't give him the rose tonight.  I gotta hand it to him though, he did his damndest to try to manipulate her into changing her mind.  Fortunately, she's a woman of strong character, and she held firm, and Douche pitter-pattered in his turquoise slippers down the stone path to the car awaiting. 

Arie, who'd previously been pouting on his group date that he hadn't had any alone time with Emily since London, surprises Emily later that evening to 'comfort' her again.  They suck some more face, and she hands him Ryan's dejected rose to assure him that he's in no fear of leaving this week.  I'm not entirely sure what I feel about this guy.  He seems sincere...is he?  At the rose ceremony she stays true to her word, and, to the surprise of all the remaining 6, she asks Chris Harrison for another rose so she can hand every remaining guy one, sending no one else home.  That Em, we just never know what she's planning, eh?  At least this evening, I'm pretty much in agreement with her decisions :).

Happy Fathers Day in Heaven

God I wish you were here.........................xoxoxoxoxo

"London's calling"

Across the waters into London England we go, and I have one more week of catch up.  Sean is given the first one-on-one.  They tour areas of royal sightings and happenings before a picnic in the park. (WHY have I not noticed how hot this guy is before??)  His definition of love, spoken outloud in front of a huge group of strangers, almost gave me goosebumps. {I totally just figured out the silhouette on the sign-on pic...it's not Emily and another guy....it's Emily and RICKI.  Of COURSE.  D'uh!}  They enjoy dinner in a prison in the London Tower - with Sean being her "prisoner of love".  {Who was in charge of her makeup for this date?  Her face is TOTALLY a different colour than the rest of her.  Tsk, tsk.}  The rose being handed to Sean caps off the date as they kiss outside of London Bridge.  He'll be around for a while.

Stratford-Upon-Avon is the setting of the group date, and the guys have the task of reenacting scenes from Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet. Suddenly high school English doesn't seem so long ago as I can almost quote a variety of soliloquies myself.  Kalon, once again, proves his douchebaggery as he shoos Emily away, citing his need to practice lines for his "performance" ("you can run along...").  Much to everyone's delight, it's an actual dress-up performance (and Arie in his white tights takes the cake for best dressed, in my opinion).  Of course Ryan of all the men was chosen to be Romeo and he had the one and only kissing scene. We can only hope that he's afflicted with whatever ailment has affected Emily's throat.

The heat turns on Kalon as the term 'baggage" floats around the room in relation to Ricki, and Ryan dutifully calls it out to Emily.  Instead of ripping Kalon's limbs off and beating him with them, she confronts him with it in front of the group, even going so far as interrupting Kalon with the lines that he'd used on her already (good on ya, Em!), and then tells him to get the F@$K out!  He never had a hope to end up at the end anyway.  Best scene of the season, so far, by the way.  She stiffs the remaining group daters by telling them she isn't handing out the group rose date because they didn't speak up for her and have her back as Kalon was insulting her kid.

Jef-with-one-f is finally awarded a one-on-one opportunity after having only gone on group rendez-vouses.  They have afternoon tea in true, traditional London fashion.  Jean, an etiquette teacher joins them as the biggest fifth wheel in Bachelorette history.  They duck out on the tea and head to a pub for fish, chips, and a big 'ol pint of ale (take that, Jean).  They appear to get along swimmingly and she gives him the date rose without hestitation, prompting the kiss that they've never shared before.

Off for a new search for love is Alejandro.  I'm off to finally collapse into my comfy cozy bed.  I may not even rise to the sound of the alarm tomorrow. Nite y'all ;)

Alternate post titlea:  "Thouest SUCK"; "I wanted to go West Virgina hood rat, backwoods, on his ass"

"the tongue is a double-edged sword"

Who'm I kidding anyway?  No network would ever give me the privilege of blogging about the Bachelor/Bachelorette because I never.get.this.done.on.time.  And now I have the task of trying to watch two shows in a row to play catch up before I end up 3 weeks behind...  I'm nearly at the end of a week's vacation.  Chris & I have decided to spruce up the mini-home so we've been painting the past three days.  As a result, I've run a little behind on the blog, the internet in general, and of course my favourite programs.  I'm exhausted and have a heating pad on my siatic so figured it was as good a time as any to tune into some recorded programming.  The glory of it all, despite being 2 weeks late, is the ability to fast forward through the commercials so I can optimize all this Bachelorette loveliness as quickly as possible.  And, I'm hoping that typing on the laptop will try to trick me into forgetting that there's a bag of ketchup chips on the table calling my name......

The June 4th episode begins with a change of locale, and the pretty blues/greens of  Bermuda light up my big screen tv.  Maybe with the change in scenery we can look forward to a little more excitement this week?  (Nope).

Doug is treated to the first one-on-one date.  The boys razz him up, and he displays a bit of a potty mouth.  Luckily Emily arrives just in the nick of time to have them embark upon their date. In what can only be described as a wonderful coincidence, the two are wearing color-coordinated attire.  They walk about the town and do a bit of shopping.  He talks about the importance of being a good dad, and how he started up his own charity.  {She totally should have worn her hair up on this date. Bermuda is windy.}  He's cute. And I totally want to see him with a shirt off.  They send off a postcard to Doug's son and then share a romantic dinner.  {Jebus Emily, again with the comparisons to Brad??!  The only thing Doug shares with Brad is the colour of his hair}. Before a little agonizing over Doug being too perfect, she gives him the rose. {Was anyone else just a liiiiittle bit creeped out by Doug talking about himself in the third person before the commercial break, or was it just me?}

The group date sails away with a friendly sailboat racing competition.  The group is split into two, and they race the high seas.  The winners are awarded extra time with Emily and the losers have to go back to the hotel.  {God I want those chips.}  The date continues just after showing the losing team in their ride back to the hotel, {waaaiiiitttaminute....is Charlie....CRYING?  Wow.} then a toast to Emily, Ryan's "trophy wife" {um. Emily, if you haven't already figured this out - send him home.  He's pretty, yes. But he's a douche}.  Arie steals some alone time on the beach and before we know it, they're sucking face.  Jef chickens out on his kiss-kiss opportunity with his alone time, and Ryan proved his douchery more and more with his.  Kalon appeared to get no alone time (yay), and Jef is awarded the rose of the evening.

The next date is a two-on-one where one stays and the other is sent packing.  Nate & Wolf are the lucky ones, and as they dive off a cliff I dive into those chips (you knew I would).  The two boys say they're just too nervous to eat so they forgo their dinner plates for their one on one.  Nate talks like he's already the chosen one to go home, and wait...what? MORE tears?  Yeah.  Wolf exuded much more confidence, and Emily confirmed Nate's worst fear and gives the rose to the Wolfman.

{Um. Jef?  What was with the blue knee socks, buddy?  Is that a trend I'm not aware of??}
{I.cannot.STAND.Ryan.}

Going home:  Charlie (it's like she saw the scene where he cried after losing the sailing race), and Michael (there goes my idea that he was the long-haired Fabioesque guy in the shadows of the sign-on picture).

Next up, London!  I wonder if they'll see the Queen?

{I totally ate too many chips}

"I don't like tall, skinny and condescending"

I am late again; thankfully I have on-demand so can still keep on top of those important things like The Bachelorette.  Chris gets the first one-on-one date and Emily lets him know that they have a dinner date to get to, assuring him they have the "best view" in town.  And suddenly, we're back to regular Bachelorette-fashion, and the metaphor of life and how it's the exact same as climbing a tall building as they slowly climb their way skyward via a thin rope under a sky of lightning {though, I didn't see much rain, did you?}.{and no, Chris, love isn't really like climbing a building, but, did the directors tell you to comment that?}  Chris does his best to convince Emily that he is a perfect match for her, despite the fact that he's only 25, and she asks if he'd like the rose, despite some earlier reluctance on her face.  They end their date dancing to some country song on the street courtesy of a live country street party.  It's bound to be love.  {the bigger she smiles, the more I'm convinced that's a flipper}

The group date gets a special surprise as they meet some of Emily's bestest friends who give them all the third degree. Jebus, I didn't know the egg had a name.  "Shelly" - yeah, that's witty.  Does anyone else believe that "Wolf" didn't cheat before?  If Sean doesn't happen to make the cut, I think Emily has a friend who will gladly 'entertain' him.  After the grilling ended, suddenly Emily blows a whistle and a crowd of rugrats flood the playground {God I'm bored}, so Emily can get a bird's eye view of how the men see how the pretty boys interact with them {a true 'father test, right?}.  Ryan steals away for some alone time {maybe he really doesn't like kids and needed to get away?}, but then commented something along the lines of making sure she didn't get fat after children or some such thing?  Suddenly he's very, very ugly in my eyes. Very.  Tony has a mini-meltdown as he misses his son, and Emily does the right thing and sends the poor guy home.  No point in stringing him along when he could be spending QT with the little fella.  And Emily's bestie had best cool her loins just yet, because Sean walks away with the group rose for the night.

Arie is selected for the final one-on-one date  {I was happy he was selected, mostly so I could see Kalon sulk because it wasn't his date}. Pretty sure Arie was looking forward to something to do with racing after he read his date card, but, nope, no racing - they fly to Tennessee on a private plane and go to Dollywood instead, complete with a surprise entrance of Dolly herself {"It's Dolly Friggen Parton; I could die"}.  Dolly's had enough plastic 'assistance' she looks like she could be Emily's mother.  Dolly indicates she sees a potential something in Arie and Emily, and I have to admit, too, that there does appear to be a connection.  As no surprise to Dolly (despite an attempt to joke), Emily gives Arie the rose.

At the cocktail party, Kalon proved his capital-D douchery to a TEE as he interrupted her so he could keep talking, and then revealed that he wanted his first kid to be his own, and not another man's. Egg-guy takes "Shelly" over to Emily and tells her he thinks it's "time" for Shelly to be broken, and the poor egg is smashed onto the ground.  Alessandro is granted some one-on-one conversation, and he admits that having a relationship with someone who had a child to be a 'compromise'....  Surely her choices for the evening should be extremely easy... {well I guess one choice was after seeing Alessandro being put in the limo even BEFORE the rose ceremony. Hahaha!!! And, as an aside, I loved the kissy time she had with Arie as he 'comforted' her in her descision}.

Getting a rose that SHOULDN'T have:  Ryan-who-is-now-ugly-because-he-doesn't-like-fat-people, Wolf-who-we-know-from-his-body-language-has-cheated, and Kalon-the-douche.  WTF, Emily???

I say this every season, but, again, I don't think I can get through this entire season...... Are YOU still watching?