"I feel like such a hot mess"*

So another show begins with a shot of his delicious chest. It's like the producers read my blog or something.  And there's no messin' around tonight, as the first one-on-one date quickly embarks between Sean (whoops! have I been misspelling his name all this time? Must've been that chest) and Lesley (she coulda stood a root job herself), and the two play tourist at the Guinness Museum.  After viewing the world's smallest woman, the world's tallest man, and Sean's own father's personal world record, Sean brings Lesley out amongst an anxious crowd to cheer them on a challenge of their own - to beat the world record of the longest on-screen kiss (someone pass the chapstick)...  Apparently, the record had been set for 10 years, but lo and behold, the two did surpass the marker of 3mins 15 secs, and what better way to start a budding romance?  Their date is sealed with a chapped-lip kiss and a rose for Lesley.  Shocker.  She just lip-locked with him for nearly the length of a pop song how could he not give her the rose??

The group date is a competitive beach volleyball game with 2 groups of 6 ladies.  The prize for the winning team? Quality time with the Bachelor, of course. The losing team had to ship back out to the mansion, and they were as sore as sore could be, complete with a few ugly tears (seriously? I could be in bed now).  The 'winners' were KacieB, Amanda, Taryn, Des, Leslie and Lindsay-the-bride.  Last episode Amanda showed her moodiness as she stared off into a different dimension when she was among the girls, and then was Joe Smiley when Sean came near.  KacieB feels there's something "sinister" about her and approaches Sean, who calls her a crazy person...and then ultimately gives Lindsay-the-bride the group date rose.

AshLee is the final girl to get a one-on-one date, and just as she is about to ride off with Sean a loud crash is heard in the distance, and all of a sudden we see Tierra crumpled up in a heap at the bottom of the stairwell.  Sean insists they call a medic, and as she is strapped to the board by about a dozen medics she begins to cry and insists they let her go because it was unnecessary....and then snuggles on the back deck with Sean, all smiles.  The girls have their suspicion that she's playing it up like the boy who cried wolf, and I gotta say, it does look fairly plausible...she was on the losing volleyball team, so before this, she virtually had no time with him this week... Sean finally pulls himself away from the patient and he and AshLee jump in Sean's jeep and off they go to Six Flags Amusement Park (the entire park to themselves, and two chronically ill children (handsome and a heart of gold...yes, that noise you hear in the distance is all of America swooning)).  They spend the day together riding coasters and end the date with a private country concert.  The two share some intimate time getting to know one another, and she opens up about a bit of a rough childhood, which brings Sean to tears (jeeeeeeeze, he's handsome, has a heart of gold, AND isn't afraid to show emotion), and AshLee gets the date rose (ok, waaaaitaminute....she admits she's opened up more to him than she's 'ever opened up to anyone before'...really?? You've known him for...two weeks??).

The cocktail party was a proverbial tug of war and jealousy with one girl pulling on Sean's arm just as he sat with another one, and none of them could complete a sentence. Before the rose ceremony even begins, with rose in hand, mind you, Sean then pulls KacieB aside to let her go.  How not waiting for him to give out his batch of roses would have made it any easier on her, I'm not sure, but maybe it was the principle of the matter?  Joining her on the road home were Taryn and the Ford model.  I shan't miss either.

2 catty comments to end the night:

One - Sarah's voice DRIVES ME BATTY!
Two - Ford model chick is NOT PRETTY!

Night ya'll!

P.S.  ooooh next week looks good...roller derby, eh? I wonder if Tierra's old stairwell injury will be back to haunt her?

*Sarah, after Sean arranged for her to reunite with her dog, since he didn't have any one-on-one time with her this week.

"I'm vegan but I love the beef"

In case any of us forgot just how awesome his chest is, the episode begins with a close-up of the chest mid-workout and post-workout-wet-shower-goodness. Mmmm, mmm, mmm....where was I again? Oh yes, episode two.  Yeah.  The lucky lady on the very first one-on-one date was Sarah, and I mean no disrespect, really, I swear, but if she does NOT stop going on about only having one arm I'm going to SCREAM!  Yes, you're different, and yes, I'm certain you are just as capable as anyone with two good arms...but honey, you're the ONLY ONE making anything of it...shut UP already.  They strapped up and free fell down the side of a skyscraper and onward to a champagne toast. We heard her bemoan her 'disability' just a little bit more.  That's it, though, right?  She's got it all out, right?

{Oh my God, he's cute}

The group date takes place in a big castle where they got spackled and fluffed to the max for a photoshoot for future Harlequin romance novels. Of COURSE the Ford model was one of the 13 girls.  Tierra was as well, and we're witness to the very first inklings of her jealous streak and the distaste the other girls feel toward her (hello drama! loves it!).

{Yoga instructor needs some VO5 treatment....and PRONTO, and Kacie really should have had her roots done before the show started, don't you think?}

Yogi sends herself home (and hopefully onto the drugstore for that VO5) and KacieB gets the group rose, and smugly rubs it in the noses of the other girls as she 'toasts' their date.

The next one-on-one date is given to Desiree, and a pactical joke at an art gallery, and as a result of her being such a good sport through it all, she is rewarded with a homecooked meal at Shawn's hand, in his place (I don't believe for a minute that he made it).  They appear to share some good chemistry.  I think she's adorable.  And they'd make gorgeous babies! (Oh, and I love how he's nicknamed her "Des").

Brooke (who??), and Diana get the boot, and the next episode looks much more exciting than this was.  Did ya watch?

Alternate post title:"Tacky hoes are a dime a dozen"

Merlin

Name one of the most comforting sounds you can think of.  I have a few, but a cat's purr is definitely high on the list.  There's just something snuggly about a little purry kitty, in a little ball in your lap, like there's nowhere else he or she would rather be than to chill with you.  Zoe's a big purring machine.  Bosco was when he was just a kitten, but as he aged, I thought he lost his ability to purr. Turns out it's there, it's just infrequent, and usually only comes out when Chris is the one scratchin' him.  On the way home from work, the DJ on the radio played a sound, followed by a commercial break and his promise of letting the audience know what the sound was.  I thought it resembled a cat, but wasn't 100% sure.  Turns out yes, it was a cat.  Not a lion. Not a tiger.  Not a cheetah.  But a housecat.  Merlin, to be exact.  Apparently most domestic house cats purr at a decibel of about 25.  Merlin caps out at a whopping 100 decibels.  His owner is attempting to get him into the Guiness Book of World Records.  Every time I hear him peak out at 100dB, I giggle:

And, truth be told, as cute as a short video is, I'm sorta glad my Zoe is probably more in the "normal" dB range.  Happy Monday!

"I can't use, 'It's not you, it's me', cause obviously it's them"*

A return to the Bachelor, and maybe a few more regular blog posts for ya'll.  This season's installment stars the beautiful beach-blonde, muscle-bound Shawn Lowe.  We were first introduced to Shawn when Emily was trying her hardest to find Mr. Right.  Many viewers felt she made the wrong decision for letting Shawn pack up and go on his merry way, but now we're reaping the benefits of just that, as he embarks upon his own journey to find a mate.  He's super cute, has an amazing chest, and he seems pretty darn sweet, to boot, doesn't he?

{Maybe he's only good looks?? I cannot believe he enlisted Arie-in-the-stupid-skinny-jeans for a pre-mansion pep talk, complete with lessons on how to kiss like a pro; fortunately, I had the blog to distract me a little til that was OVER.}

Night one is always a little boring, but in true Bachelor fashion, there were dirty looks, drunken debauchery, jealousy, premature tears, and the handing out of about a dozen roses ahead of the actual rose ceremony itself.  I liked that he did that; he easily weeded through the obvious choices. I have just a few words about the girls:

AshleyP- That girl is just 50 Shades of WRONG!  I hated her before her pre-meeting-Shawn introduction was over. Her behaviour at the cocktail party was appalling (although I might have rewound her fall about 5 times...helllooo, trainwreck, thy name is Ashley!).
Kelly the lounge singer - overdosed on her self-tanner and her hair extensions. She didn't make any first impression on me - nor Shawn, to my delight.
Robyn - she who opts to do backflips in a sequined dress deserves to fall on her face (everyone wants to make a good first impression, but that was ridiculous).
Tierra - First impression?  I kinda like her; her interview tape was cute; I love her tattoo, and I LOVE the fact that Shawn opted to give her a rose before even meeting the rest of them (take that for a leading first impression, backflipper).  However, if the teaser at the end of the first episode is any indication, she may turn out to be the next girl we all love to hate.  Ah, drama....Bring it!
Dianna's dress was STUPID.
Kristy (the Ford model) - her self-assuredness is going to get old. Quick.
Lindsay-the-bride - a little much. if you ask me.  You're not a goofball you're an idiot. And I can't believe you got the last rose. He should have kept the one who travelled all those miles... Who knows, though. Maybe once she sobers up she'll surprise us all?
KacieB - as in B from Ben's season. Hey, everyone deserves love, right? And Ben didn't love her, so she called the producers to see if maybe Shawn would. I always liked her so I'm not upset to see her join the fun...a little added jealousy for the other girls might be a little fun, too.
Desiree -I like her, too.  She's really cute, and seems like she's down to earth - not phoney like about 75% of them.  If I had to pick one out of the lot to be the last girl standing after having seen just the first episode, I'd go with her.
Taryn - Tip for ya, chickie - crying on night ONE merely displays your INSTABILITY.  Go back home to your therapist.  Noo wait, you're safe, for at least a week.  Apparently the other Ashely was just a BIT more unstable than you (fre--eak!)

Ahhh ABC, once again, you've made my Monday nights (err....well, in this case, my Sunday night, as I finally got to watch last week's premiere episode courtesy of the PVR).  Since it's recorded, maybe I'll go back and watch that fall again...).  Stay tuned, girlies!

*Bachelor Shawn, on his 'breakup' strategy
**Optional post title:  "A little bit of a bum-ski"

It's been so long I almost forgot a title

Wowsers; it's been a long time.  Sometimes you get away from something for so long you wonder if you should bother returning (read: going to the gym, for example).  Or maybe that's just me (sure is for the gym example, anyway).  I started a few posts in the past few months. They're in drafts.  I removed a few more "personal" posts, after some prompting from someone very close to me. Probably smart, but that's not saying that I have not thought long and hard about starting up a brand new, completely annonymous blog that allows me to type whatever I want, uncensored and unfiltered.  Remaining annonymous would be key so I couldn't even tell you where to find me. Just look for a blog that speaks the truth - the hard, unbearable truth, and ask if it's me.  I probably won't tell though ;). 

So how're you all doing?  I trust you all had a good Christmas holiday?  Mine was lovely.  Lots of family time.  Chris' family was extended this year, so we split our time up as best we could to optimize time spent with them.  His grandmother, his two uncles and their wives (and one dog) joined his parents for Christmas  Eve, and Christmas Day.  Mom & Todd remained on the Island this year, so I opted to spend the majority of Christmas Day, including supper, at home this year while Chris was with his own family.  I did miss him, and his family (and his momma's delicious turkey supper), but realistically, who knows how many more Christmas' I'll have with momma, so the decision was easy.  Chris and I did share a special Christmas morning, though, complete with giddy-like-a-kid-can't-sleep-anymore-cuz-there's-presents-waiting-to-be-opened anticipation, and a breakfast including Todd's just-like-Dad-made-it stuffing with eggs, bacon, and coffee 'n Baileys (mmm, perfection), and I did join the W's much of Christmas Eve, and for a few hours Christmas night.  Boxing Day was spent jammy-clad, complete with a  Big Bang Theory marathon, and snugglin' with a movie by the light of the Christmas tree (more perfection).

Zoe hopes you all had a purrr-fect Christmas

As we embark on a new year ahead of us, I'm reflecting on all the goodness in my life, and I'm very thankful for all that I have, and am looking forward to a new year filled with new possibilities, and hoping for many more snugglin' with a movie kinda nights, and much more time spent with family and my closest friends.  I hope the magic of your own Christmas spent with those closest to you can also stay with you throughout the year ahead.  I'll try to be more diligent with the whole blogging thing, too.  You know I'm not that great with the resolution thing, but I'll try, just for you... xo.

"Love in my eyes means you can't stand to spend the rest of your life with anybody else"*

(Better late than never, right?)

The setting is the gorgeous Curacao, and the top 3 choices for the fantasy suites (should they so choose) are for Sean, Arie & Jef-with-one-f.  Based on bare chests alone, I'd say Sean is the proper choice, but I know there's gotta be more than a hot chest to make a relationship work.  Besides, he hasn't told her he loves her yet, right? (*rolling eyes*)

Sean's date is up first, and they hop on a chopper to take in the beautiful sights of Curacao before landing on a private island {man that chest looks divine in that deep v-neck doesn't it?}.  They chatter about love & relationships, and though Emily is chompin' on the bit to hear those three little words, he instead suggests they go snorkelling.  A candlelit dinner on the beach and a verbal prompt from her, just wondering how he feels, prompts a letter that Sean composed for Ricki, provided it works out for the two of them.  The letter was super sweet, super eloquent, and it nearly brought a tear to my own eye. That letter's gotta make him a shoe-in for a spot in the final two, don'tcha think?  Finally, the foreplay is over, and Sean confesses what she's wanting to hear all this time, and she can then cross his name off the "Men that told me that they love me on the Bachelorette", list.  As if on cue, the offer to forego their individual rooms is on the table, and though she expresses her desire to stay up all night long with him (well duh! name me ONE woman in America who WOULDN'T!), she ends up sending him home, sans a-beddin'.

Jef-with-one-f's date is up next, and they head to a ship in the beautiful blue water {for the life of me I can't understand why Emily hasn't decided to put her hair up during these windy dates.  Watching her push the hair out of her lipgloss is getting so, so very old}.  They chat about how good of a parent Jef will be and they sail and kiss into the sunset.  Jef-with-one-f has long-confessed his love for her, so there's no doubt that he could be one of the final two.  They share dinner on the beach and talk about their potential future, and she confesses she'd move to whereever he was.  I think they kinda look odd together -he looks like her son, in my opinion, but I do like him.  He's very well-versed, very polite, and even though it appears to be a very Mrs. Robinson-esque affair, they do share a very strong connection {those damn crickets or whatever they hell they are are driving me effing bonkers!}.  Ever the gentleman, out of respect for Ricki and his own religious family, he opts out of the overnight part of the fantasy suite, a decision that Emily had already decided, and she was very delighted that they had shared the same view point.

 And finally, Arie's one-on-one date is upon us.  They chill out on a catamaran {oh my God there she goes again with the hair down and the wind whipping it around.  Pass the woman a scrunchie for Jebus sake} and swim with dolphins.  Every single chance she gets she confesses to the camera how much she looooovves kissing Arie.  The physical connection is there.  And she's already refused two 'overnight' rendez-vous so far, so she must be friggin horny by now.  They make their way to their dinner table {Arie, those skinny jeans are a complete fiasco and they make me question your preferences.  Really.}.  He toasts to them and to their "evening", complete with a wink, capitalizing on his smarm. To me, their conversation was awkward, and led me to believe that he's in no way, shape, or form ready to be a daddy.  Perhaps he feels that awkwardness too, because he steers the conversation back to "them" as a couple, which gives him time to conjure up how one earns a child's trust.  This seems to assure her that Ricki would love to be Arie's "best buddy".  And despite how much she looooovesss to kiss Arie, Emily's lust "inner struggle" results in her not even offering him the fantasy suite card because she couldn't trust herself {I sure hope she's not reading 50 Shades while on this journey}.

Obviously her inner struggle has even affected her fashion decision because she waltzes in for the rose ceremony in the most hideous of all get-ups that I've ever seen.  Mismatched jewels, a tinfoil skirt & a tank top just ready for a sweat at the gym.  Oh, and NOW she opts to put her hair up?  While she's inside?  All three men have recorded messages for her - all sincere, and she had a look of horror on her face through each one.  To all of America's horror, though, in the end, she chose smarm over charm, and sent Sean packing.  I have one question, and one question alone:  "WHY!??!!?".  And, I look very forward to a return of gorgeous Sean in his own season of the Bachelor.

*Quote from Sean, and perhaps the leading line for the next season of the Bachelor?  Hey Chris Harrison, are you reading?

just what DO you have?

Because I'm all kinds of lazy I didn't have a lunch to bring with me today.  Because I know that I've been putting too much crap in my body I opted out of the more desirable cheeseburger and fries that I really wanted for a more sensible option of a sandwich for lunch today.  Because I wanted needed some retail therapy I opted for the ever-quick Tim Hortons drive-thru so I could order quick, eat quick, and get me to Reitmans. Because it was effin' HOT I thought I'd try that new frozen lemonade to go with my ham & cheese on whole wheat.  So I place my order... "I'm sorry ma'am, but our machine is down for cleaning so I can't get you a frozen lemonade" (might I remind you that today might have been the hottest day on record of the summer so far. But it was down. For cleaning.  Right.).  Ok. Without batting an eye, I then opted for a smoothie.  "I'm sorry ma'am, but our machine is down so I can't get you a smoothie, but we do have iced capps, lattes, etc".  Ok. So even though my heart was set on lemonade, I opt for the iced capp, because it was effing hot and I wanted something cold.  I get to the window.  I flash my debit card at the lady taking my money.  She hands me their debit machine (how the heck did we manage without that at Tims before, anyway?).  Just as I'm about to insert my card in the slot the lady says, "I'm sorry ma'am, but we're fresh out of ham (yeah I'm paraphrasing; pretty sure she wasn't completely Dr. Suess), but we have chicken, turkey, egg salad...." (are you effing kidding me?).   Thinking I really should have gone for that cheeseburger & fries, I sigh a little and accept the offer of the egg salad.  Least it wasn't processed meat, right?  She then said, "I'm just glad you didn't ask for a smoothie because our machine is down...".  I just sorta glared at her and said, "Honey, we already went down that road with the lemonade... and then the smoothie...".  She smiled meekly and said, "Well sometimes I don't hear the orders....um...here's your sandwich, have a good day now".  Looking at the skanty sandwich before me, I'm pretty certain that the next person to order an egg salad sandwich was about to here, "I'm sorry ma'am, but we're out of eggs".  I think they just rubbed the bun over the remnants of what was left of the egg salad mix and threw a brown leaf of lettuce on top to avoid saying, 'I'm sorry ma'am', to me one more time.  I did get to Reitmans though, and returned to work a little hungry, but a new outfit in hand, so the lunch hour wasn't all bad.