"the tongue is a double-edged sword"

Who'm I kidding anyway?  No network would ever give me the privilege of blogging about the Bachelor/Bachelorette because I never.get.this.done.on.time.  And now I have the task of trying to watch two shows in a row to play catch up before I end up 3 weeks behind...  I'm nearly at the end of a week's vacation.  Chris & I have decided to spruce up the mini-home so we've been painting the past three days.  As a result, I've run a little behind on the blog, the internet in general, and of course my favourite programs.  I'm exhausted and have a heating pad on my siatic so figured it was as good a time as any to tune into some recorded programming.  The glory of it all, despite being 2 weeks late, is the ability to fast forward through the commercials so I can optimize all this Bachelorette loveliness as quickly as possible.  And, I'm hoping that typing on the laptop will try to trick me into forgetting that there's a bag of ketchup chips on the table calling my name......

The June 4th episode begins with a change of locale, and the pretty blues/greens of  Bermuda light up my big screen tv.  Maybe with the change in scenery we can look forward to a little more excitement this week?  (Nope).

Doug is treated to the first one-on-one date.  The boys razz him up, and he displays a bit of a potty mouth.  Luckily Emily arrives just in the nick of time to have them embark upon their date. In what can only be described as a wonderful coincidence, the two are wearing color-coordinated attire.  They walk about the town and do a bit of shopping.  He talks about the importance of being a good dad, and how he started up his own charity.  {She totally should have worn her hair up on this date. Bermuda is windy.}  He's cute. And I totally want to see him with a shirt off.  They send off a postcard to Doug's son and then share a romantic dinner.  {Jebus Emily, again with the comparisons to Brad??!  The only thing Doug shares with Brad is the colour of his hair}. Before a little agonizing over Doug being too perfect, she gives him the rose. {Was anyone else just a liiiiittle bit creeped out by Doug talking about himself in the third person before the commercial break, or was it just me?}

The group date sails away with a friendly sailboat racing competition.  The group is split into two, and they race the high seas.  The winners are awarded extra time with Emily and the losers have to go back to the hotel.  {God I want those chips.}  The date continues just after showing the losing team in their ride back to the hotel, {waaaiiiitttaminute....is Charlie....CRYING?  Wow.} then a toast to Emily, Ryan's "trophy wife" {um. Emily, if you haven't already figured this out - send him home.  He's pretty, yes. But he's a douche}.  Arie steals some alone time on the beach and before we know it, they're sucking face.  Jef chickens out on his kiss-kiss opportunity with his alone time, and Ryan proved his douchery more and more with his.  Kalon appeared to get no alone time (yay), and Jef is awarded the rose of the evening.

The next date is a two-on-one where one stays and the other is sent packing.  Nate & Wolf are the lucky ones, and as they dive off a cliff I dive into those chips (you knew I would).  The two boys say they're just too nervous to eat so they forgo their dinner plates for their one on one.  Nate talks like he's already the chosen one to go home, and wait...what? MORE tears?  Yeah.  Wolf exuded much more confidence, and Emily confirmed Nate's worst fear and gives the rose to the Wolfman.

{Um. Jef?  What was with the blue knee socks, buddy?  Is that a trend I'm not aware of??}
{I.cannot.STAND.Ryan.}

Going home:  Charlie (it's like she saw the scene where he cried after losing the sailing race), and Michael (there goes my idea that he was the long-haired Fabioesque guy in the shadows of the sign-on picture).

Next up, London!  I wonder if they'll see the Queen?

{I totally ate too many chips}