In the maze of life there are many twists and turns - each turn a new decision, the place where that turn leads offering more direction to go. Years ago, we all started out walking along the same path. We laughed over silly things; we cried over boys; we experimented with different things; we promised each other that we'd be "BFFs" forever. We set out on our journey then, traveling together, arm in arm, until we came to a big, thick door. Beyond that door there were rattles, pureed vegetables, diapers, and drooling, wide-mouthed babies. I chose to walk past that door. Everyone else walked through. A few were hesitant. A few knocked lightly before gracing the threshold with slight hesitation. A few had trouble with the lock, but finally managed to open the door wide and ready.
I didn't knock; I didn't ask for a key. For a brief minute, I stood outside that door and I fought with the idea of tapping it lightly, but then I opted to walk past, and I haven't looked back.
The trouble is, I looked behind me, and there wasn't anyone behind me. I could hear the faint laughter and shared companionship in the distance, behind the door, paces down the hallway.
And then I felt sad and a little out of place.
5 comments:
Hey lady, I'm right here with you. xxoo
I, too, chose to walk past that door. Every now and then, I return to it, peek in and wonder if I made the right decision. I think the reason I question my decision is seeing all my friends hanging out, having play dates and looking like they are having so much fun. But I see the sacrifices they made and know that I chose the path that was best for me. The hardest part is ignoring the judgemental stares and questions of those who saddled themselves with the lifetime responsibility to someone else!
Love you both...xoxoxo
Good for you for making a choice that is best for you! It's not for everyone. It's not weird or selfish not to want kids, it's weird and selfish to have them knowing in your heart that you'd rather not have them.
It has nothing to do with whether or not you'd be a good Mother (I'm sure people tell you all the time that you'd be a great mom...as if them saying that is meant to sway your decision)it's about deciding on the life that you want to live and enjoying every second of that life.
I have two kids and I wouldn't trade them for the world, but you can bet that there are times I long for my kid-free days. Especially when my girlfriends are just picking up and going on vacation or sleeping in...I'm very jealous of the friends who sleep in!
Thanks Shar. My biggest fear is that one day, after it's too late, I'll wake up with deep regrets. I just don't see it for me though, and feel in my heart of hearts that I have made the right decision for me. Just feeling a little selfish & sorry for myself the past few days. Thanks for being here :).
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