don't let this happen in your home

I should know better than to load up the shopping cart with fresh produce. It always spoils before I can finish it, and I don't even want to think about the amount of food and money I waste by having such big plans to eat healthfully only to see it turn into a science experiment before it hits the compost bin. Last night, after the girls night for Erin's BD I stopped in at Sobeys to grab a few necessities. Not unlike any other time, I had to grab a few expired items from the fridge before filling it back up with the new stuff.

I ought to clear it out more frequently.

The diced up tomato and pickle for the last time we ate schawarma were funky, but, since they were in some rather expensive pyrex glass containers, I had to clean them out. That was stink#1.

I noticed the subject of stink#2 on the bottom shelf, right above the crisper. It had been sitting there for awhile, and I knew full well that there was no hope that it was fresh so I knew it was next to be turfed. I grabbed it....only to see it disintegrate before my very eyes and heard the distinct *ker--ffflllifffff--PLOP* noise it made as it separated from itself and smeared all over the bottom of the fridge and onto the kitchen floor. It had the consistency of what I can only describe as a condom filled with hand cream. Not that I have ever felt a condom filled with hand cream. I just have a good imagination. It smelled of rot. It was the most disgusting 'surprise' I'd had since the 'chocolate milk incident'. I screamed. I cursed. I shuddered - to the point that Chris came to the room to see what the fuss was all about. He took one look at the mess upon the floor before doing his own squirming and possibly gagging before leaving the room again.

The smushy, mushy surprise was a cucumber.

After getting over the initial shock of the dead cucumber and cleaning up said mushy mess, I then moved on to the culprit of stink#3, a soured container of buttermilk.

Perhaps we oughta just give up on the whole grocery shopping/cooking/storing thing, and just sign up for Meals on Wheels? Surely we'd save money? What with accounting for the money not spent on food that would spoil, and the lower electric bill with not having to run the fridge?

I am good housekeeper. I swear.