Dreams that weren't so sweet...

I woke up in tears this morning - after a fitful night of dreaming the same dream, over and over. It wasn't the exact same dream, but the subject repeated itself over and over... and it got progressively worse. You know how bad you feel when you dream that someone close to you is dying or has died, and the relief you feel when you wake up, and sigh -- knowing that, thank GOD, that was just a dream? Have you ever woken up from such a dream, wanting desperately for that sense of relief, but it's not there, because the person is no longer there? Before today, any dream I've ever had where Dad's been in it, he's just been there - happy, healthy, a part of our lives. Never sick. Last night/this morning's recurring dreams saw him in bed, increasingly sicker in each dream...physically changing each time I went to see him, and in the dreams, I was coming to the realization that he was dying. I've never woken up with such an empty feeling in my life.

The last time I woke up I didn't let myself go back to sleep because I was afraid of what the next dream would be.

I miss him so much.