an apple a day, or something like that

Gentlemen, avert your eyes. This is a girlie post. Still reading? Oooookay...don't say that you haven't been warned...

So I had my yearly physical a while back. Way too much time had passed since my last one. I get to the appointment, and Sandra, the doctor's nurse says to me, 'Don't pee'. 'CRAP!', I thought to myself...seeing as I'd already evacuated my bladder not once, but twice already in anticipation of the upcoming appointment. I tried. I failed. Then she comes into the room to advise, 'Now Dr. G has a student with him today. He's a 3rd year intern and his name is Christopher. The doctor was wondering if you'd mind if Christopher did the exam while he observed?'. I did a sweepy motion 'round the girls down to the va-jay-jay and said, 'The whole exam?'. 'Well, yes', matter of factly. I replied that I didn't feel comfortable, and we left it at that.

So I sit on the rough paper on the patient bench, willing the back of the johnny shirt closed, feeling the breeze on parts I shouldn't feel a breeze, minutes felt like hours as I waited for my 'time' with the doctor. He finally enters the room, gets me into 'position' and starts the process. *Knock, knock*...."Doctor, there's a call for you". Apparently it was a rather important phone call because he ungloved and excused himself. So at this point I'm now still in "position" and the breeze is now blowing 'round other areas. I try to concentrate on the song playing on the loud speaker. I try to remember how old I was when I'd first heard it. It has a good beat. Yeah.

FINALLY he returns. Now the real reason for my visit to the doctor was my routine check me up, but since he was going to be all up in there anyway, I figured he may as well reach in and grab my interuterine device that had been up there for so long I'm sure there were cobwebs forming. Since this wasn't something the general practitioner sees on a daily basis, he looked almost gleeful at the prospect of it being a learning opportunity for Christopher, his intern. And with that look of glee, as I'm rocking out in the stirrups, he asked me if I'd mind if Christopher observed. Having zero humility left at that very moment, what else could I have done but agree in the name of medicine and education? So in waltzes Dr. Dougie "Christopher" Howser. He looks like he's 12. And he looks more embarrassed than I felt. We exchanged niceties and the procedure was complete in a matter of moments. The doctor ended the appointment with a story about a woman who had her device up inside since her kid was born. He asked her how old the kid was. 19. We all shared a little embarrassed laugh and called it a day. Lord knows how much inspiration that young little intern got out of that day. 'Least I had a clean bill of health.

Note: I had this post sitting in my drafts for months, unfinished. I had extended so much effort to write it, I figured why not post it? I mean, ya'll are here because you want regular posts to read, and to perhaps thank the sweet Baby Jesus that your life isn't like the one you read about. I haven't been posting as regularly as I'd like to, so now you've got my completed Drafts to look forward to :). And ladies, interns or no interns (unless they look like the hot guy on Greys), get your routine checks done.